Texas Message, courtesy Galloway:

GOOD OLE TEXAS

Texans needn't fear O'Sammy Been Lodding or Sodamn Insane. Shucks, they ain't nothing.

As a Texan for more than 60 years and an honorably discharged veteran, I'm getting a big laugh over the statements of O'Sammy Been Lodding, Sadam, the Taliban, our politicians and the media.

They talk of what to expect from terrorists, but we Texans have lived with greater dangers for years and survived.

I'll bet O'Sammy has never seen a Texas tornado that levels homes and peels up the asphalt on the roads.

How about hailstones as big as golf balls, or a blue norther that drops the temperature 40 degrees in minutes?

O'Sammy has probably seen 100-plus-degree summers in Afghanistan, but I bet he doesn't have fire ants.

He and his buddies talk about the pain and suffering they're going to inflict upon us. He doesn't know what pain is until he gets kicked by a green-broke, 2-year-old colt in the dead of winter.

You've heard of anthrax. I've been around cattle for years and have never seen a case, but I have seen "mad cow disease." Every old mama cow that we worked, and separated from her calf, got mad.

They talk of germ warfare. Texas ticks will give you Rocky Mountain spotted fever and Lymes disease, and our mosquitoes seem to be direct descendants of woodpeckers.

We have blister beetles that can kill your horse and green bugs that will destroy a wheat crop .

West Texas prairie dogs carry the plague, our armadillos carry leprosy, and skunks carry rabies.

Maybe we should send over a few of our varmints and show the Taliban what the word terror really means. Texas has goat-heads, cactus, mesquite, honey locust thorns, bull nettle and poison ivy. Everything that grows in our pastures will either stick you or stab you.

I'll bet O'Sammy has never seen a cottonmouth water moccasin, a diamondback rattler or a copperhead. We have squadrons of yellow jackets and bumblebee bombers.

Have you ever stepped on a Texas scorpion in your bare feet?

O'Sammy talks of gas and biological warfare. He has never pulled in behind a cattle truck while it's raining, or ridden in the cab of a pickup truck between two other cowboys after they've just eaten a big bowl of Texas red.

No, O'Sammy, you and all your buddies can't terrorize Texas or Texans. If you think you can, come on over. You will find out right quick why we buy U. S. tools made by Ruger, Colt, Remington and Smith &Wesson. We load them with U. S. products made by Winchester, Remington, Speer and Federal. We use these tools on varmints; and for protection.

We also buy US tools made by Case, Buck and Schrade. We use these tools to change ornery bulls into calm steers and rank studs into gentle geldings. We call it..."attitude adjustment."

We have an abundance of good tools in Texas, and we know how to use them. Texans, and my kinfolk have dealt with your kind for hundreds of years. The fact that I'm here tells me that we can survive.

We have posted signs all over the state that say, "Don't Mess With Texas--

Consider yourself warned.