Camp Holloway Discussion Forum Archive 02 - 05/07/01 to 02/28/03

What If?

What if God installed voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following;

Thank you for calling heaven.

For Enlish press 1

For Spanish press 2

For other languages, press 3

Please select the following options:

Press 1 for reguest

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now.

However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1

Jesus, press 2

Holy Spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter their social security # followed by the pound sign.

If there is a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers 316

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life on other planets and where do lost socks go, please wait until you arrive in heaven for specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is closed on weekends to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling from a rotary phone, after hours or need emergency assistance, please hang up and contact your local pastors, minister or rabbi.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.