PARIS -

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac

announced today that the French government will be supporting the

'War on Terror' after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite

Battalion du Specialistes d'Abandonnement (Surrender Specialists)

of France's vaunted Armees de la Terre are preparing for movement

to Iraq, where they will advise the Iraqi Republican Guards on

the protocol of their upcoming surrender to American Armed

Forces.

"It is important to be overbearingly haughty and insufferable

when surrendering," said Colonel Philippe Marie-Jeane Yves-

Montand Gauloise du Petite Pommes, commanding officer of the

elite Surrender Specialists, who has personally surrendered in

countless battles dating back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We

French are world masters at surrendering, n'est c'est pas? Not

like you arrogant Americans, who never surrender. Ha! I spit on

your American victories!"

President Chirac also announced that his government will be

sending 3,000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateurs

Francaise to assist the Iraqis in avidly collaborating with the

Americans, while pretending to be part of a non-existent

resistance movement.