I wish to file a complaint with the person which organized the American Duty day. After reading the posting last week I decided that I should join in this event. I purchased a new lawn chair. Thank God Home Depot started displaying them the day after Christmas. I was sure I would have a hard time locating one.

Because of the snow which we have received over the past week I spent Friday evening shoveling a place out by my mail box. The snow in my front yard is to high and might block my view. I wanted to show my full support.

Saturday arrived and I had prepared all the things which were reguired. My new lawn chair was in place. It had a cup holder and all the finer things a lawn chair needs. My beer was placed near the chair. No need for a cooler. The temps have not gone over 25 for the past week. At 1300 hrs I was in place and ready to show my support against the Taliban.

After 15 minutes the only beings to pass were my neighbor's cat, which I dislike anyway, two small children selling candy for a school organization and a car load of teen agers who honked and gave me the finger. Finally! Two young ladies were jogging towards my spot. As they approached I was puzzled to see that they were wearing sweat clothes and not nake as I had been told. Finding this somewhat unpatriotic I informed them of their duty to jog on this day in only their birthday suits. Finding my reguest odd they informed me that they were also into self defense and proceeded to kick the crap out of me. Flee to save my life I deserted my chair and beer.

Having escaped my attackers I returned home. Once there I discovered that the mailman had spotted my beer and had stolen it. In his haste to get away he also ran over my new lawn chair. Bleeding and limping I headed for my house. Reaching the back door I discovered that I had lost my house key. I decided to enter through a window which we leave unlocked just for these times. My faithful dog "Howie" which is my trusted friend was inside guarding my home. For the first time in his life he was faced with the duty to defend it. He did this with great zeal. So much so that he would not let me in no matter how hard I tried.

After what seemed hours I was final able to get in. Standing in my living room dripping blood and mud on my wife's new carpet I was starting to regain the feeling in my toes. At this time my wife returned home and demanded to know what was going on. I explained everything in great detail. I was informed that I was nuts and would be grounded from the computer for a week. I also informed that the on a diet but still looking at the menu was also a lame excuse and the only nake butt which I would be seeing is my seven month old grandson's. I guess I set my sights a little to high on this day.