It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was
buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay
their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California
Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The
Gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and
lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was
kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he
still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and
Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.