Flight,

Another good one from John Hunter. Not sure just where he gets this stuff but its good.

Dear Friends,
I just got this letter from Saddam . . .don't ask. It was smuggled out of his jail cell and he wants the world to hear his heart felt emotions for Yassar. It is very compelling. Thought you should see it.
Nina

Open Letter from Saddam Hussein to the World

It’s not fair! It’s not fair! IT’S NOT FAAAIIIRRRR!! How come that scraggly bearded little puke gets a hero’s burial and I am stuck here in this lousy prison after surviving in that cheesy little spider hole after the abusive, oppressive, imperialist US devils invaded our country?

Why is HE getting all the attention? I killed more innocent people than he did. And check out his torture chambers, they are nothing compared to mine. Heh, we even employed this really cool procedure where we would stick people in this plastic shredding machine . . . feet first . . . while they are still alive. Is that totally cool or what? I mean, what has Yassar done to compare to that?

He is such a weeny, all he could do was kill children, bomb embassies, and pay suicide bombers $25,000 for falling for the 72 virgin scam. Yeah, ok, he was good at PR, but where do you think he got that money? He got that money from ME. I even gave him the idea, but nooooo, he gets all the credit, not me. Where’s my parade? Where are the world leaders fawning all over themselves for me? I am a bigger terrorist than Yassar, I am, I am.

Did he gas hundreds of thousands of HIS fellow citizens? Nooooo. He just lobbed a few bombs into school buses and restaurants killing a few Jews. Heck, he isn’t even related to them. At least there is some connection between me and the Kurds I murdered. That should be worth at least a ballad or symphonic movement in my honor.

So, what did I do wrong? I mean, Iraq is a real country, not some second rate wannabe like the PLO. What is that? Its a bunch of letters. That’s not a country. I had a real country. This is where it all started . . . Garden of Eden, Tigris Euphrates, Tower of Babel, Babylon, King Nebbechenezzer, Abraham . . . you name it, we had it. What did they have? Well, gee, it looks like they are claiming a land that was GIVEN to their enemies about 4,000 years ago from, duh GOD, and they keep whining that they want more, “weee waaannntt mooorree.” Oh pullleezzzz just get over it you jerks. I should have been your leader. I would have shown you real leadership. I could have committed far more mayhem than Yassar and would be a MUCH bigger hero than he is. You bunch of pukes, you don’t even know a real live bonifide terrorist when you see one.

And I sit here in this stinking, rotten jail and that jerk gets all his mindless idiots firing guns in the air around his coffin. They should be firing guns in the air around me, ME, ME. It should be about ME!!!!

This isn’t fair. I demand a recount. I think this election for the most despicable, yet honored terrorist should be given to ME not Yassar. I want my money back. I want the number to his Swiss bank account. At least one of that 4 billion belongs to me. It’s MINE, MINE, I tell you.

Guard, guard. Bring that underwear over here. Now put it on my head, take a picture, send it to our buddy Dan Rather and the ACLU and get me the heck out of here. I have a lot of killing and terrorizing to do. I have a reputation to maintain. I can’t end my murdering career in this rat hole. I want accolades, I want speeches, I want fawning news anchors who love tyrants and despots like me!! Get me my faithful press!! They love me!! Where is Terry McAulliffe and Lanny Davis? Heck get me John Kerry. We can run together and beat those evil Republicans next time. He still can’t decide if I am the bad guy or not . . . I’m not . . .I’m the good terrorist. I’m the good murderer, rapist. Pick me, ooo oooo, pick me.

Wait, wait. Don’t go . . . ya putz. What do you know. You wouldn’t know a world class terrorist if he blew you to hell. You putz . .. get outta here. You make me sick. I HATE YASSER, YOU HEAR ME!!!! I hope he gets 72 sluts. No . . .NO . . . I hope he gets 72 VIRGINIANS!!!!! That’s what that jerk deserves. 72 VIRGINIANS. Beat the hell out of that little sniffling jerk.

Oh, and please give my best to CBS, ABC, NBC and CNN and tell them to keep up the good work.

From your favorite terrorist,

Saddam Hussein

Tom Gator 851.