BT,

You need to get on this one right away before it gets out of hand. I am convinced they are out to get us. Let me know if I can help.

Tom Gator 851.

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up
they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip
reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into
an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't
even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection ....Well, REALLY
NOW-even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and
limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can
say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would
they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do
they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the
waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do
these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on --
but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed
the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number
in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer
these awful indignities.

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something
has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!