>McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
>When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
>
>"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
>
>"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
>
>******************************************************* >
>"I've Lost Me Luggage"
>
>An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
>
>"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
>
>"How'd that happen?"
>
>"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
>
>***************************************************** >
>"Water to Wine"
>
>An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
>
>The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Good Father, have you been drinking?"
>
>"Just water," says the priest.
>
>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
>The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
>***********************************************
>
>"The Brothel"
>
>Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
>
>They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
>
>Then they saw a rabbi enter the same building, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see one of our Jewish brothers fallin' victim to temptation as well."
>
>A little later they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen says, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be sick or dying."
>
>*************************************
>
>Irish Cemetery
>
>Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard..
>
>"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
>
>"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."!
>
>Just then, Seamus, looking around, yells out, "Good God In Heaven, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
>
>"By the saints, what was his name?" asks Paddy.
>
>Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles To Dublin."
>
>*************************************************** >
>Irish Predicament
>
>Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down, but says nothing.
>
>The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but Ole Mulvihill just sits there.
>
>Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. >
>The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use a knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
>
>*************************************************** >
>Irish Last Request
>
>Annie Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
>
>He says, "So what's bothering you, Annie my dear?"
>
>She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband died last night."
>
>The priest says, "Oh, Annie, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
>
>
She says, "That he did, Father..."
>
>The priest says, "What did he ask, Annie?"
>
>She says, "He said, ' Annie, let's be reasonable! Put down that damn gun